Living with Hurt

It's easy to live in hurt,
constantly overthink about the old memories,
and how I could have fixed the things.

I mean it's not easy to go through it either.
There's pain coming every second that stabs your heart.

It's like with every breath you die with immense pain.
And with the next breath, you are alive again ready to die.

But looking from the perspective of goals,
it's easier to let go of goals, give up and die every other second.

That's less hurting.
Giving up is more manageable than staying in that case.

The Little Girl Won My Heart

I went to watch Gadar 2 with my family today.
7 pm show.

While watching, the instrumental national anthem played for a few seconds on a scene.

A young girl, around 10 years old stood up saying we should stand for the national anthem.
Her parents made her sit although but it touched my heart.

I just felt so happy, my heart was filled with joy.
I broke into tears after seeing that girl. 

We should learn from the children.
They are pure, away from the judgements of the world.

Indeed her mother taught her right.
I wish all of the hall stood up for that, even if that was for 2 seconds.

Vrindavan is not like what you think!

 I went to Vrindavan with my family today for the first time.

I saw many videos and influencers claiming it was so clean.
Well, that was true but not completely true.

The famous areas,
like Iskcon, and Prem Mandir were super clean.

But the reality was in the main city.

The Bake Bihari Temple,
Radha Vallabh Temple
Krishna House,
Nand Mahal and many more.

These were located in a vast network of dirty lanes.
Lanes so narrow only one car could pass at a time.

And there was no sewage system there.
Gutters were flowing on the road, both sides.

Local vendors on both sides of the road,
in the most unhygienic way possible.
The electrical wiring was touching these gutters.

The water from these gutters and all kinds of garbage were all over the road.
I had to walk over it for my way.
Absolutely filthy.

Never imagined this would be the condition of Vrindavan.
There was a load of garbage at every 'nukkad'.

And people abusing each other,
didn't look like the divine city of Vrindavan at all.

The priests were just of the name.
They had huge bellies and talked rudely.

No one was ready to offer the sweet(bhog) to Bhagwan Radha-Krishna without money.
And not 50 or 100,
they had packages named as
Putra Prasad, Vivah Prasad, Chappan Bhog Prasad and whatnot.

It all ranged from 501 to all the way up to 25000.
And they were blackmailing in the name of the god to make the offering.
Our sentiments were hurt.

And the e-rickshaws there were a total mess.
They drove over 60 in those narrow lanes, hitting people.

We knew we had to take care of our belongings from the monkeys
But we actually had to be aware of the thieves.
It didn't feel safe for at least a minute in the city of Shree Radha Rani and Shree Krishna.

Is this the Vrindavan everyone falls in love with?
Is this the Vrindavan everyone talks about they are mesmerized by?
Is this the Vrindawan where the supreme, Shree Radha Rani and Shree Krishna once lived together blessing all the people?

Can't even imagine, is this the Vrindavan I always wished to visit all my life!

Drove 200km for first time

 I went to Vrindavan today for the first time with my family.

It was good, the energy I could feel it. But one of the best things was I drove for over 200+kms.

Well, I drove on one side because we left early in the morning.
My father drove to Bake Bihari Temple, and after that, I was in charge.

I absolutely loved driving there,
the empty roads with trees on both sides,
the scent of various flowers,
and, most importantly, the highways.

I drove over 100 km/hr for the first time.
and even touched a maximum of 130.

I overtook every other vehicle.
I absolutely loved it

Kya Mai Akela hi Rehjaunga

Mera sab kuch uske naam krna bhi pura nahi pada
Aur uska haske muskarana hi uska dil le gaya

Yeh kaisa insaaf kiya hai re ishwar tune
Samjh nahi paa raha hu kami kaha reh gyi

Mere karmo me toh nahi
Meri aankhon me toh nahi
Mere pyaar me toh nahi

Kyun mai Jahan se zyada chahkr bhi uske saath na aa paaya
Aur kyun voh ek hasi dikhakr uska sab kuch hogaya

Maarna hi tha toh kayi rastein the tere paas
Yun roz maar kr har subah zinda kyun kr deta hai

Iss duniya me aaya hu toh
Kya mujhe jeene ka hakk nahi
Kya mujhe pyaar ka hakk nahi

Kya mere sapne kabhi pure nahi honge
Kya mera akelapan kabhi dur nahi hoga

Binge Watching after so long

 My sister made my dad purchase one month subscription of Netflix.

Now I grabbed the opportunity to watch "Never Have I Ever" this time.

I spent my whole day binge-watching the first three seasons.
And I successfully did that.

Will watch the remaining season in the office.
Not feeling guilty.
I like this series.

Totally relate with the protagonist Devi.

Har Zakhm Bharna Nahi Hota

Kuch zakhm zaruri hote hai ki bhare na jaaye
Vo zakhm jo tumhe baar baar dard pahuchaye

Kuch zakhm aise hone chahiye
Jinhe kabhi tum bharne na do
Taaki jab bhi kabhi tum vo dard bhulne lago
Vo zakhm tumhe uski yaad dalaye
Vo zakhm tumhe pehle ki tarah tadpaaye

Taaki tumhe yaad rhe
Ki kyon tumbe yeh rasta chuna
Jispe yu akele chal diye ho
Chup hokr sbse alag bas tum chal diye ho

Har zakhm ko bhara nahi jaata
Yadi khud ko badalna hai
Toh ek zakham aisa taaza rkhk

Jo tumhe tumhari aukat yaad dilaye
Jo tumhe bataye ki tumhe kaha tk jaana hai
Jo tumhe yaad dilaye ki kitne nakamiyab the tum
Jo tumhe yaad dilaye ki kitne kamiyab ho skte ho tum

Bharne mat dena us zakham ko
Chahe jo ho jaye

Yeh zakhm hi tujhe yaad dilayega
Ki abhi teri aukaat badalni baaki hai

Mai bhi Kitna Naddan Tha Jo Smjh na ska

Aaj tak hamesha teri kavita ki tareef kri hai
Par ab jab mai jaan gayau us insaan ko
Saari kavita alag si lagti hai
Maano mai kabhi smjh hi nahi paaya
Tu apni hokr bhi ab parayi si lagti hai

Tera har lafz ussi ke baare me hai
Ussi se shuru aur ussi par khatam krti hai
Maine tujhe apna banana chaha
Par tu toh pehle se hi kisi aur ki lagti hai

Pehle har lafz pe muh se waah niklta tha
Ab har lafz pe dil me aah chubhta hai

Kya koyi kami reh gyi mere pyaar me
Aaj bhi mai khudse yeh puchta hu

Apni iss Kahani me
Mai khud ko hi roz dafnata hu

Dafan hokr bhi yeh dil ni dafa
Mitti me milkr bhi yeh bs tujhe pukarta hai

Hadd se Zyada Tujhe Chaha Maine

 Jab jab uska naam leti hai
Chehre pe toh muskaan rehti hai
Par Dil jalta hai mera

Tujhe kisi aur ko sochta dekh
Tujhe kisi aur ka hota dekh
Tujhe kisi aur ko chahtha dekh

Jaanta hu mai tera ni ho paaunga
Mai aage toh badh jaaunga
Par kya mujhe apna banaogi
Jab yeh jaanogi

Ki mai tumhara sirf tere baare me sochta hu
Mai bs tera, aur tujhe apna banana chahta hu
Tujhse hadd se zyada abhi bhi chahtha hu

Dil hai ki Maanta Nahi

Yu toh mai jaanta hu
Meri bhalai usse bhul jaane me hai
But kambhakt dil ziddi hai
Usse chhodne nahi deta

Aadat hogyi hai mujhe uski
Jo nhi krna tha vahi krdiya hai

Jaanta toh hu usse bhulana padega
Par yeh zidd hai ya bewakoofi
Ussi pe aake atak gaya hu

Badhna toh padega aage ek din
Par darr hai mujhe is baat ka

Kahi pyaar krna hi na bhul jaau
Kahi kisi aur se dil lagana hi bhul jaau
Kahi kisi aur ko apnana hi na bhul jaau

Ishq ke Do Chehre

Ishq bhi kya khoob cheez hai
Ek aisa jo uski namaujudgi me bhi usse yaad aaye
Aur ek aisa jo uske pa hote hue bhi usse mehsoos na ho paaye

Ishq ke bhi do mukhde banaye hai
Ek jo uska ho na ska
Aur ek jisko vo apna hone nahi de rhi

Ek Tarfa Pyaar

Yeh ek tarfa pyaar hai yeh janaab
Har din dard hota hai
Aur har din dard me hi jeena hota hai

Dard nikalna chahoge toh bhi nahi niklega
Mohbbat ki hai toh aakhiri saas tak sehna padega

Phikr toh har pal tumhari hi hoti hai mujhe
Chahe baat choti si kyon na ho
Magar ho na ska mai tumhara
Mujhe hakk nahi fikr krne ka

Par ek tarfa mohabbat ka raaz hi yeh hai
Hakk de bhi deta hai aur kisi ko khabar bhi nahi krta

Mujhe Saath Le Jana

Yu toh jab jab kisi ajneebi ka zikr krti ho
Dil yeh dukhta bahut hai
Shayad yehi hota hai jab
Ek tarfa pyaar chubhta bahut hai

Yadi mai ban jaau vo ajnaabi koi
Aankh mila lu aur dil chura le jaau kahi
Phir dhoondti tum apne dil ko aana
Jaate jaate saath mujhe lejaane

Ishq Aankhon se

Ek galti jo hogyi mujhse
Aakhon se baat na kr paaya tumhari
Par agar mauka do ek aur toh
Aakhon hi aankhon me ishara kr doonga
Us hi pal me saath jeene ka ishara kr doonga

Galti Kri toh Kya Maine Mohhabat Kari thi

Shayad kabhi na kr paau vo kavita khatam mai
Kyoki likhi hi thi kabhi tumhe padhane ke liye

Itni baar haar kr bhi seekha na Mai kuch
Krne jaa raha rha vohi galti mai

Vo toh shukr hai paramatma ka
Ki yaad dila di saari galtiyan
Kyun na ho paaya mai tera
Kyu kabhi nah ho ska mai tera

Dobara nahi krunga yeh galti mai kabhi
Yeh judaai ka dard mai kabhi bahar nahi nikalunga
Kavita bhale hi khatam kr lu
Kabhi tujhe nahi padhaunga

Koi nahi jaanega yeh baat
Mere aur uss ishwar ke siva
Galtiyan kri toh kya hua
Mohabbat toh sachi kri thi
Bepanah kri thi
Khud se bhi zyada sirf tumse kri thi

Vo Pyaar Jo Mera Na Ho Saka

Chlo bhool jaaye yeh rishta
Aur ek baar phirse mile

Chalo bhul jaaye yeh rishta
Aur ek baar phirse mile
Anjaana anjaani ki tarah

Par iss baar kuch alag krenge
Parrr.. iss baar kuch alag krenge
Apni takdeer hum khud likhenge

Haath toh hum badhayenge
Par dosti ka nhi
Ki haath toh hum badhayenge
Par dosti ka nahi
Iss baar hum ishq krenge
Par izhar nhi

Yu toh yeh aankhe dekhti hai bahut kuch
Yuuu tohh yeh aakhein, dekhti hai bahut kuch
Par iss baar hum inse baat krenge.

Baatein itni gehri ki dil ko chhu jaaye
Iss baar dosti nhi, hum mohabbat krenge

Chalo bhul jaaye yeh rishta
Aur ek baar phirse mile
Iss baar apni takdeer hum khud likhenge

Yu toh pehle galtiyan krta
Toh tum maaf krdeti thi
Iss baar vaada krta hu
Hum galti ka mauka hi nhi denge

Bhul jaaogi tum rishte saare
Iss baar koi galti hum nhi krenge
Iss baar bolkar nhi
Hum mohabbat hakikat me krenge
Iss baar Ishq ek tarfa nahi
Hum do tarfa krenge

Ghar khaali ho toh hume bulana zarur
Wada krta hu kisi ki nazar me nahi aayenge
Iss baar tofhe me sirf gulaab nahi
Pura ka pura gulsastan laayenge
Aur agar manjoor ho tumhe
Aur agarrr, manjoor ho tumhe
Iss baar tumhara tohfa hum khud bankr aayenge

Iss baar kisi ko girne ki zarurat nahi padegi
Iss baar kisi ko girne ki zarurat nahi padegi
Yeh hot khudba khudba paas aayenge
Yeh haath chehra par toh honge
Par tumhe kheechne ki zarurat nahi padegi

Na kisi ke aane ka darr hoga
Na waqt ki parwah hogi
Iss baar hoto ki yeh baatein
Raat ke ant tak chlegi

Jaanta hu mai ki vo gulaabi sa aasman
Pasand toh bahut hai tumhe
Seedhiyon ka vo andhera aur shanti
Pasand toh bahut hai tumhe

Kuch badlega nahi sab vaisa hi hoga
Bas iss baar pehle aur aakhiri pyaar ek hi hoga
Aasman gulaabi bhi hoga sur satrangi bhi hoga
Raat dhalegi aur tumhe ehsaas bhi hoga
Iss baar patah hokr bhi mai anjaana hounga
Meri khusbhoo tumhari hojayegi aur tum meri
Jab dekhogi khud ko aaiyne me tum
Tumhe yeh aehsas hoga
Dil dekr tum mohabbat le aayi
Phir milenge hum har jagah
Vo seedhiyan ho

Meri hi yaad satayegi tumhe
Yeh mohabbat hogi jo tadpayegi tumhe

Bas is baar yeh vaada krna
Yeh baat kisi ko patah na hone dena
Honge hum ek dusre ke sada
Par yeh shabdon ka nahi dilon ka vaada hoga

Chlo bhul jaaye yeh rishta
Aur ek baar phir mile
Anjaana anjaani kitarah
Par is baar kuch alag krenge
Apni takdeer hum khud likhenge

Yoo toh mai jaanta hu in shabdon me kamiyan bahut hai
Par pyaar ka kabhi bina galti ke hota hai

Bs iss aakhiri baar maaf krdena mujhe
Shayad chala jaau Mai tumse bahut dur
Jaha se aa na paau laut kr kabhi

Shayad nahi jaan paaogi yeh paristhiti meri
Nahi padh paaogi tum yeh shabd kabhi

Padh bhi liye toh kya kabhi smjhogi
Yeh mera pyaar tha shabdon ka chalwa nahi

Iss baar toh ek nahi ho ske hum
Parrr, agar yeh rishta bhool jaaye hum
Aur phir mile anjaana anjaani ki tarah
Kya krna chahogi kuch alag tum?
Kya likhogi apni takdeer mere saath tum?

Jawab zarur dena chahe dil me hi daba lena
Aakhiri saas tadpunga mai is jawab ke liye

Chlao bhul jaaye yeh rishta
aur ek baar phir mile hum
Iss baar apni takdeer khud likhe hum

Aaj dil shayraana shayraana shayraana shayraana lagta hai....

Pyaar bhi kya khoob cheez hai

Jo kabhi shayri smjh nahi paaya

Aaj usse hi shayrana kr diya hai

Shabdon Ka Chalawa

Pyaar toh kabhi tha hi nahi tumhe

Yeh toh bs shabdo ka chalawa tha

First Blog

Hi there,
I am Ashutosh Gupta, 20 years old, employed full-time, and having an online college.

Saw Ankur Warikoo maintaining a personal blog and I am inspired by him to start this.

You will be witnessing the real me (there's no hidden me either but you got it), being goofy, weird, knowledgable, and sometimes holding strong political views.

Let's get started with this!